the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
