This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
