i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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