Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
