just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
