I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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