Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
