I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
