I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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