Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
