chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
