pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
