I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
