i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize