He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
