i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
