First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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