I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
