We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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