I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
