She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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