Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
