if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
