i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize