I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
