he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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