Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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