so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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