could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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