I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
