just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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