There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
