He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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