I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
