i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
