Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
