i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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