Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
