Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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