I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
