last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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