your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just pee around me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
