Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
