So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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