So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
