The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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