the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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