There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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