I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize