everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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