I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i jhust puked up my retainher.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
