Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
