Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
