bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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