i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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