I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Operation Purity has been aborted
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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