At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I think i got beer on your cat.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
