In the future we'll all be gay
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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