And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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