You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
