ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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