Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
