He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
