you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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