I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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