Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
NoShamevember. You game?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize