my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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