It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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