I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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